January 27, 2012.

// 1:37 am.

I’m not okay. I haven’t been okay in a while, actually.

Why am I so fucking pissed off at everyone anyway? Well, mostly at myself. I can’t handle this. It hurts a lot. I haven’t told anyone this, but yeah, that’s the honest truth. I’m not okay. I may be smiling, laughing, goofing around, but no. Hell nah.

I’ve had this chaos in my mind for a while now. All these negative thoughts just beating up all my positivity. Fuck it. FUCKING GET OUT OF MY HEAD YOU BITCHES.

I need someone to show and tell me 

• that everything’s going to be alright, 
• that they believe in me, 
• that they trust me, 
• that I matter to them, 
• that I have helped them,
• that I mean a lot to them,
• that I am useful in their lives,
• that I’m beautiful,
• that I make their day,
• that I make them smile,
• that I make them cry tears of joy,
• that they think about me all the time,
• that they worry for me,
• that they can’t stop thinking about me,
• that they can see me being a part of their future,
• that they love talking to me,
• that they would do anything to make me feel better,
• that they care for me,
• that they really are there for me no matter what,
• and that they love me.

I need them to mean it. I need it to be genuine. I need reassurance. That’s all I want. Please, help me… Lord, please.